What is identity?
The dictionary defines identity as the fact of being who or what a person or thing is. Every single human on this planet has a certain characteristic that defines who they are as a person. This characteristic could range from someone being a brunette to being Schizophrenic. No matter how many people you share this characteristic within this world, that attribute can be what defines you as a human being. This being said, I too, have my own characteristic that helps define who I am. I am bisexual. Even though roughly almost ten percent of the United States population identifies as LGBT, this does not make me any less unique. I am my own person. I am bisexual.
I have always felt different and uncomfortable with myself since I was 7. And I know it seems like almost every gay person says that, but it's true. As a little kid, I didn't even know the word bisexual existed. I learned from my conservative family that there were straight people and then "the gays". I was taught that these people weren't right in the head, and they needed serious help. Anytime I was told this I didn't know what to say. All I had felt was this weird churning in my stomach like I was doing something wrong and everyone in the room knew it. So like any petrified kid who was majorly confused about their sexual orientation would do, I tried to be the straightest girl anyone had met. I started making as many friends as I knew and made sure they knew I was boy obsessed (and only boy obsessed). We would have tons of sleepovers and I would be the one to start talking about boys and how much I loved boys and how I couldn't wait to kiss a boy and how I want my first boyfriend more than anything in this world. It may seem excessive, but it was the norm for girls in elementary school to talk about boys this much. In fifth grade, I finally had my first kiss with a boy, and it was everything my little self would have wanted. This boy and I started our elementary school romance and thought we were SO in love. We dated for two months (we were one of the longest lasting relationships our grade had ever had), but unfortunately, sixth grade rolled around the corner and we just couldn't keep up with both our stacks of school work and our relationship. So, we decided to break up.
Since that time and all throughout junior high, I dated a few boys in my classes. I liked them of course, but there was also the reason for me trying to push away this weird feeling I always would have when I would talk to my best friend, Amaya. Even with all these boys, when freshman year came, I couldn't fight it anymore. I knew for a fact that I liked Amaya and I was scared out of my mind. Me? Liking a girl? I would think to myself, what was wrong with me? The thoughts of my family hating me and wanting to get me help made me cry myself to sleep many nights. I couldn't help thinking about how I am not straight and it frightened me. However, I knew these feelings would not leave my mind, so I acted on them. I told myself, maybe if I tried kissing a girl I wouldn't like it, and I would finally be free from these thoughts. So, that year I kissed my best friend Amaya and well… I loved it.
Throughout the course of the next three years, I had come to terms with who this new me was. I accepted myself for not being who my parents wanted me to be, and later, I soon realized there is nothing wrong with that at all. I have yet to come out to my parents or extended family, but I am not worried about that right now. I have an amazing group of friends who are all a part of the LGBT community. They all went through the same struggles I went through, and to this day are still teaching me new things. This June I went to my first pride parade in Houston with them. I had never felt surer of myself than I had ever been before being at that parade. I had finally become comfortable with myself. My journey of who I have become today is all because of myself not being scared anymore of who I am. I am my own person. I am bisexual.
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- What is identity?